Dear all,

The daily ritual commences once more, or should it be called “nightly” if it is something one does every night? Deciding firmly that i shall not, under any circumstances repeat it the next night, forms a part of the ritual , of course... Oh lord! How does one retrieve oneself from practices that become so integral a part of ones being that she cannot fall asleep without going through it at least once? Even though it causes pain, even though it breaks morale, it must be done. Everytime committed, the act elads to deeper levels of failure, to lower self belief, and yet i cannot do without it. Cos every single night i hope my friend will receive my call, wil return my attempts to reach out, i hope my friend will change just to see how much it matters to me, how much it saddens me. What am i to do ? i have only questions, no reflections...

Yours sincerely,

Still waiting in hope.