FRUSTRATIONS

There are these somethings that are now driving me nuts. It is crazy, the way people around me are behaving. How strange that I should refer to my best buddies as “people”. These little action-reaction processes that we go through , the miniscule interactions that I still have with my now gradually fading away friends , these are the ones that make all the difference, now that they are physically so far away from me. Fear is that this distance now seems like much more than just a physical separation.

“X1” is long gone...though I’m not sure if I should call a two months break in a relationship of 11yrs “long”...but there seems to be really meek chances of her coming back. Spoke to her about medics when dadabhai was hospitalised, that is because I trust her and perhaps will always know what a wonderful person she is, but my respect for the way I lead my life does not allow me to forget that horrible session we had and go ahead and talk to her like nothing ever happened. One may call it my ego, my stupid sense of relationships, my irrational pride...but these are the same virtues or vices withstanding which I made friends like her, and they have stayed, very few in number, but have been there through the thickest and the thinnest. Today, there is almost none.

Coming to bosom friend no. 2. Perhaps one or two years less old a friend than “X1”, my dearest “X2”. Health irregularities, workload, widely differing schedules and now residence in cities separated by thousands of kilometres have always barred regular conversations or day outs together. There were times when we did not meet for over an year and yet the bond of friendship, the love only grew stronger. I met her a few months back, spent great time at her house together with her family and "X1" was there for a day too... X2 also came over to my "sole room" , my life in an apartment alone (where i spent a very valuable one year of my life) . Things looked and felt great, what more could i ask for? And then came the day when she returned to her university again and to a new life altogether it seemed. Now i dont get any updates of her life from her anymore, even if I am the one knocking at her door (metaphorically of course) day and night. Either she is busy or preoccupied or is bound by some unavoidable and unbreakable barriers from conversing or responding to my call (not necessarily a phone call). Just got to know, and thankfully from herself,even though on inquiry on my part, about a trip she made related to work. Considering her work and study is something i have always admired , it came as a bit of a surprise to hear that it was "all so sudden". Sounds like I am being really bitchy...thats exactly how detatched I am from the ones who literally kept me "alive" not just as a human being, but as a girl , into a lady, perhaps a fully grown woman as well...